Have a look. See if you’ve tried any of these.
1. Colgate ready meals
In defence of Colgate food, it wasn’t made to clean your teeth while you eat or anything like that, it was just normal frozen food.
The issue was that people thought it was going to be all toothpastey, because of the branding.
2. Breakfast Mates
Everything you need in a box. It’s too much of an effort to buy milk separately to the cereal that you also bought and then use one of the spoons that you already own.
That’s why Kellogg’s put everything you needed in one package.
3. Bacon Soda
This one’s actually still available – even though it looks like it’s from the 50s – and you shouldn’t buy it. You really shouldn’t buy it.
4. Cheetos Lip Balm
Not technically a food, I know.
You can only assume that this one was made as a joke. There’s no real reason why anyone would want this. The worst thing about eating cheese products is that the flavour repeats on you once you’re done. This is just that.
5. Coca-Cola BlāK
Essentially half-coke-half-coffee, which sounds intensely awful. It was, apparently, and was promptly removed from the market. The packaging looks very 2006, and that’s because it is.
Bits of bacon wrapped in foil that you were supposed to cook in your toaster. In a fun twist, Reddi-Bacon set people’s toasters on fire.
7. Pepsi A.M.
I really actually like the packaging here, but the product itself is quite not good. It’s Cola that you’re supposed to drink with breakfast as it’s cola with 28% more caffeine.
I used to work with a guy who would sink three cans of Monster before 10am. We shouldn’t normalise that.
8. Ore-Ida Funky Fries
So oven chips but some are green, some are cinnamon-flavoured, and others tasted like chocolate.
Why did anyone think this would work?
9. EZ Squirt Ketchup
This will never get enough press. So so so gross. I remember in the early noughties, my older brother having green ketchup with his chips, loving it, and me feeling physically sick. I have no idea why you’d want this.
10. Watermelon Oreo
Say what you see. A bad flavour combination.
Watermelon never works as a manufactured flavour and least of all in a sodding biscuit. I’m hardly surprised that these died miserably.
I feel sick.
Alfie Powell joined as an apprentice and was probably hired because he was likely the only person who applied. He's been blagging his way through writing articles for four years now and he's definitely showing signs of slowing down. When not writing for The Hook, Alfie finds time to indulge in his favourite hobbies, such as drinking and sitting down.Follow