Many fan-favourite crisps no longer exist for various different reasons; some were too ambitious, some were purely promotional – and fleeting by their very nature – and some were just shit, but here’s an ode to the potato and the corn snacks that we lost…
Back in the wild year of 2011, for Comic Relief, Walkers released four comedian-flavour crisps, including Steak And Al Pie, Frank Roast Dinner and Jimmy Con-Carne.
The best by far though was Stephen Fry Up, and they genuinely tasted like a fry up but in crisp form. I miss them every day.
Over a decade ago now, snacks aimed at children were seldom colour-fast. Rather than get back to the drawing board though, the mercurial marketing geniuses would act like this was a positive. Coco Pops turn your milk brown! Chupa Chups sour apple lollypops turn your tongue green!
But then Monster Munch made pickled onion crisps that turn your tongue blue on purpose. They were jarring and not long for this world. Pickled onions aren’t even blue.
Alright not technically a crisp, but they’re shaped like Pringles and they were f*cking delicious.
They blew absolutely ever After Eight, Matchmaker and Foxes biscuit out of the water for posh-ish after-dinner snacks and I can only assume that it’s because of that, someone at Cadbury had their kneecaps broken as a warning to remove them from supermarket shelves.
I hear you can get own brand versions at Aldi or Lidl, but they won’t be the same.
When I was doing the research for this, I came across something that shook me to my very core.
Tangy Toms have apparently been discontinued. I used to buy a pack of them every day back when I worked for my dad in 2013/14. The tomato-flavoured little balls of joy were fantastic and I genuinely thought about buying some the other day.
I guess not.
Yeah I had no idea either.
Since discovering they used to exist, I’ve heard things…
Good things? I didn’t say that.
You know, some people wanted them back.
Only one picture of these exist. That’s how good they were.
Apparently you can win a gold nugget, which I wager is the most random prize from a snack ever.
I maintain that Nice ‘n’ Spicy Nik Naks are the best crisps currently on the market, but these look and sound bloody terrible.
Again, some weirdos miss them.
You know that Treehouse of Horror Simpsons episode where Homer accidentally enters the third dimension? Doritos did that once, albeit for a finite amount of time.
No one wants 3D Doritos. They belong firmly within the same two dimension inhabited by the Earth (which is flat) and SpongeBob (when he’s not out of water).
Absolutely to die for, these little bastards, and in the brief period in which they existed in the early (whatever this decade is called), I ate more than my fair share of them.
I have no idea why they’re no longer available and I can only assume that at the time, few people were brave enough to look past Paprika or Sour Cream and Chive Pringles to try these ones out.
What a different world it would be if they did.
The most overrated sub-genre of crisps ever, Sensations, I suppose this flavour was too similar to Thai Sweet Chilli – or was perhaps replaced by them – and since then, they never found their way back to our cupboards.
To be perfectly John Smiths with you, most meat-flavoured crisps (and especially the typical crisp-shaped ones) all blur into one for me.
Nonetheless, some people will live and die by this flavour, and I guess that means they’re dead?
Not a welcoming bag, is it?
More meat-flavoured crisps that couldn’t cut the mustard.
They were nice enough, but they were never going to take Skips’ crown, were they?
Stick to orange cheese, Wotsits! Flavour within your means.
Proof, if ever we needed it, that science can go too far.
Someone in the Monster Munch lab is given far too much free rein and because of that, we get abominations like this one. Ice cream flavour crisps?
Not on your nelly.
Images via Walkers, Kraft, Cadbury, Tayto, Golden Wonder
Alfie Powell joined as an apprentice and was probably hired because he was likely the only person who applied. He's been blagging his way through writing articles for four years now and he's definitely showing signs of slowing down. When not writing for The Hook, Alfie finds time to indulge in his favourite hobbies, such as drinking and sitting down. You can contact Alfie at firstname.lastname@example.orgFollow