It worked for Keira Knightly, but not for me.
I would like a proper beard. I’ve got a young face so I’m not sure one would suit me, but I’d certainly like the option.
With that said, I wouldn’t be doing anything wild to get one. I’m not paying thousands of pounds for a transplant, I’m not going to start taking testosterone tablets (???) and I’m certainly not going to give up sex for an entire year.
Not that that’s an actual thing, of course; trading sex for a beard isn’t a possibility in real life, but if it were, there are definitely some interested parties.
OnePoll, on behalf of Honest Amish, (who sell beard products), conducted a survey that asked 2000 men what they would do for the perfect beard. They found some pretty shocking results.
40% of men said that they’d spend a night behind bars or go a year without coffee – both entirely different things – in order to grow the perfect beard, while 18% said that they’d shave they head in return for a beard.
That’s some pretty insane desires, and that’s without mentioning the 20% of men who would forego sex for a year to get their dream beard.
The thing is, what are the conditions? I know someone who hasn’t had sex for over a year and is desperate for a beard (I’m proud to say it’s not me) so do they get one now, or do they have to go another year without shagging?
There are a lot of variables, is what I’m saying. A year since your last lay, or a year starting now? Someone needs to clear this up.
It’s no really a two way street though, since while 73% of men think having a beard makes you more attractive, only 63% of women agree.
Bloody women. Always ruining everything.
In any case, I’m bitter that I can’t grow a beard and I’m perfectly happy to write off any beard owner who isn’t me as a loser hipster who needs a wash.
Images via Getty, Disney
Alfie Powell joined as an apprentice and was probably hired because he was likely the only person who applied. He's been blagging his way through writing articles for four years now and he's definitely showing signs of slowing down. When not writing for The Hook, Alfie finds time to indulge in his favourite hobbies, such as drinking and sitting down. You can contact Alfie at [email protected]Follow