And to think I used to fancy Amber Heard. To be honest, I still do, but this is out of hand.
The actor allegedly put one of her poos on the bed that she shared with Johnny Depp, which is what pushed him to get divorced from her.
While Heard blames it on a Yorkshire Terrier, the evidence presented would go quite far to dispel that claim and I’m certainly not saying she did do it but I’ve never in my life seen a dog that small poop out something that big.
Look, I feel a bit sick – this is one of my least favourite things – and I’m sorry if it makes you feel sick too, but here’s a picture.
I’m not going to go around and say that Amber Heard absolutely didn’t do it, as she clearly isn’t one to shy away from a lawsuit, but that is f*cking rancid.
Also, why does there appear to be some kind of Instagram filter on the pictures? If we’re talking idioms – which we’re not – then “you can’t polish a turd” is one of the oldest ones going.
“Photos of the faeces were admitted to British court Tuesday as Depp’s longtime maid described how she found it in the bed the actor shared with then-wife Amber Heard — and even took photos because she was so disgusted.
“Depp has accused Heard or one of her friends of pooping in the bed as a “prank” after the actress’s 30th birthday party April 21, 2016, following a fight between the pair“.
Depp’s maid said of it:
“I pulled back the top sheet on the bed and saw a large pile of faeces.
“I was horrified and disgusted. It was clear to me that this was human faeces. I knew that the faeces could not have come from either of Mr. Depp’s or Ms. Heard’s two small dogs.
“I have cleaned up after those dogs many times, and their faeces are much smaller. Further, I have never known those dogs to defecate in the bed.
“Those faeces were fresh … from the night or from the early morning“.
There’s also a rumour that Depp referred to his ex wife as ‘Amber Turd’ once he’d discovered the you-know-what in his bed.
Honestly, has their ever been a break-up as acrimonious as this?
So awful. Really glad those pictures are in the public archive now.
Alfie Powell joined as an apprentice and was probably hired because he was likely the only person who applied. He's been blagging his way through writing articles for four years now and he's definitely showing signs of slowing down. When not writing for The Hook, Alfie finds time to indulge in his favourite hobbies, such as drinking and sitting down.Follow