Though I’m a lil puss when it comes to dealing with spice – a standard Medium when I’m goaded into going to Nando’s – I still understand there’s a time and a place. That time is not Christmas, and that place is not Christmas dinner.
Apparently Aldi have no interest in listening to my hindsight though, as before I decided on that opinion, they released spicy pigs in blankets. Outrageous.
“Flavoured” with what’s ranked as the spiciest pepper by Guinness World Records, the scorpion chilli, these pigs in blankets seem like the were invented for a prank, to be honest.
Available from the 28th November – with one 240g packet costing £2.29 – the pigs and their blankets are made from 100% British pork and as mentioned before, Scorpion Chillies.
I swear to god these people who name chillies get as little sex as those people who fit spoilers to their Vauxhall Astras and f*ck with the exhausts. Really overcompensating for something, aren’t they?
While we’re on the subject of pigs in blankets, can we all please agree to boycott any company with the audacity to sell run-of-the-mill sausage and bacon sandwiches with the label ‘Pigs under Blankets’?
That’s just a sausage and bacon sandwich turned upside-down. Wrap the pigs in the blankets or f*ck off.
Anyway, if spicy sausages are your bag, but being festive isn’t, then Morrisons’ hellfire sausages might be your bag. They’re made using the Naga Ghost chilli, the Trinidad Scorpion chilli and the Carolina Reaper…
The Carolina Reaper has a Scoville rating of 1,569,300, making it the hottest chilli in the world. Combine that with the Trinidad Scorpion weighing in at 1,463,700 Scoville units and the Naga Ghost at 1,041,427 Scoville units and you’ve got one pretty hot sausage.
Morrisons’ official Sausage Buyer Campbell Breakwell recommends accompanying the sausages with a glass of milk to combat the heat. They initially came out last month, so the time-specific references may be a bit off:
“We believe these sausages will be popular with customers preparing for a month of fright and fireworks so we’re excited for them to experience the heat – perhaps with a glass of milk on the side?“
Yeah I probably won’t buy them.
Images via Aldi, Morrisons
Alfie Powell joined as an apprentice and was probably hired because he was likely the only person who applied. He's been blagging his way through writing articles for four years now and he's definitely showing signs of slowing down. When not writing for The Hook, Alfie finds time to indulge in his favourite hobbies, such as drinking and sitting down. You can contact Alfie at [email protected]Follow