Let’s face it; Christmas tele can end up being a bit of lifesaver on the big day.
It has this magical ability to silence the murmurings of ignorant family members, keep young children subdued and change the course of the conversation to something universal and generally less painfully dire. Yep, the box casts a hypnotic spell on Christmas Day. And thank f*ck for that.
That festive superpower has a little something to do with the top-notch entertainment dosed out by the likes of the BBC and ITV on the big day – from classic flicks to festive specials; on the whole, there’s something to keep everyone happy. Hopefully, the rest of them will just sleep through it all – f*cked off their faces on Bucks Fizz and chocolate liqueurs.
The BBC and ITV have today released their full schedules for Christmas Day and they haven’t disappointed.
The Beeb rarely lets us down at Christmas.
Arguably the biggest highlight is the return of Gavin & Stacey via the Gavin & Stacey Christmas Special at 8.30pm, where audiences will see the Billericay/Barry massive reunite for what many are saying is one hundred percent the last ever episode of Gavin & Stacey EVER. So this episode is truly a present for us all to treasure. I can’t wait to watch this – to tell you the truth – when I’m absolutely t**ted.
Other highlights include a post-watershed episode of EastEnders at 9.30pm (“you ain’t my f*ckin’ muvva!”, then) and the Mrs Brown’s Boys Christmas Special at 10.30pm (I’ll have to watch that one on iPlayer – I doubt I’ll be able to keep my head up by then).
If you’re a big kid like me, then make sure you don’t miss out on some Disney magic on Christmas afternoon with Moana at 12.55pm and Finding Dory at 3.10pm. And if you’re up some serious nostalgia, don’t miss Wallace & Gromit: A Close Shave at 11am.
6am – Breakfast
8.55am – Stick Man
9.25m – Zog
10am – Christmas Day Mass
11am – Wallace & Gromit: A Close Shave
11.35 – Top of the Pops Christmas Special
12.40pm – BBC News
12.45pm – Weather
12.55pm – Film: Moana
2.30pm – The Snail and the Whale
3pm – The Queen’s Christmas Broadcast
3.10pm – Film: Finding Dory
4.40pm – Strictly Come Dancing Christmas Special
6pm – Michael McIntyre’s Big Christmas Show
7pm – Call the Midwife
8.30pm – Gavin & Stacey Christmas Special
9.30 – Eastenders
10.30 – Mrs Brown’s Boys Christmas Special
11.15pm – The Two Ronnies Christmas Sketchbook
11.35pm – BBC News
11.45pm – Weather, followed by National Lottery update
11.50pm – On Christmas Night
11.55pm – Not Going Out Christmas Special
12.35am – Film: My Old Lady
2.15am – Weather for the Week Ahead
2.20am – BBC News
If I make it past Strictly, it will be a Christmas miracle.
If hour-long soap specials and festive celebrity quiz shows are more to your Christmas tele tastes, then ITV is for your living room this Christmas Day. Highlights include Tipping Point, The Chase and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire Christmas celebrity specials, followed by double bills of Emmerdale and Coronation Street. I might just put Granny in another room with a family box of milk tray, dim the lights and let ITV do the rest.
Gordon, Gino and Fred Christmas Road Trip: 3 Unwise Men at 10pm looks like it could be quite special, too, but as I said, I can’t guarantee what state I’ll be in by then.
6am – CITV
9.25am – Disney film: A Christmas Carol
11am – Countrywise: Winter Wonderland
11.55am – Midsomer Murders
2pm – Coronation Street at Christmas
3pm – Her Majesty the Queen
3.10pm – Shrek the Halls
3.40pm – The Chase: Bloopers 2019
4.40pm – ITV Evening News and National Weather
5pm – Tipping Point: Lucky Stars Christmas Special
6pm – The Chase Celebrity Christmas Day Special
7pm – Emmerdale
8pm – Coronation Street
9pm – Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Celebrity Special
10pm – Gordon, Gino and Fred Christmas Road Trip: 3 Unwise Men
11.20pm – ITV News and Weather
11.40pm – Film: Four Christmases
1.10am – Britain’s Top 100 Dogs: 2019
3.10am – Who’s Doing the Dishes?
5.05am – Ainsley’s Caribbean Kitchen
F*ck Trivial Pursuit. Just sit down, get comfy and avoid eye contact.
Images via ITV, BBC and Getty
Having worked in children's media and publishing for almost a decade, Ben is thoroughly excited to now be able to swear in stories and features. He is such a big fan of Disney and Horror films that he started an LGBTQ+ podcast called 'Once Upon A Scream'. His mum listens. You can contact Ben at [email protected] Twitter: @PulsfordBen / Instagram: @thebenmidlerFollow