Café Mocks Pretentious Coffee Snobs With Their No-Nonsense Sign

Alfie PowellAlfie Powell in Funny, News
Published 28.06.19
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The no-nonsense coffee names are the best to happen to cafés since it become fashionable to not have photos of the food in the window.

It’s confusing, going to a coffee shop. If you don’t immediately know what you like and want, then you’re forced to work your way through a fairly inscrutable menu to choose something.

Café menus absolutely aren’t designed for first time coffee-drinkers. I’m not a huge fan of coffee but if I do get one, I get a flat white. I found out that I didn’t mind flat white almost two years ago now when I went to a Starbucks with my ex. I spent around five minutes asking her what was what on the menu and then panic bought the one that only came in one size.

Wonder why she left me..?

Anyway, helping idiots like me who aren’t the kind of people to say “don’t talk to me before I’ve had my morning coffee!!!!” a café in Poole, UK, has introduced their no nonsense ‘guide to coffee – hot drinks menu’, and it’s pretty self explanatory.

It reads:

Americano = black coffee, Flat white = white coffee, Cappuccino = frothy coffee, Latte = milky coffee, Mocha = choccy coffee, Tea = not coffee, Hot chocolate = also not coffee

Most of them are pretty spot on, to be fair, although I’m not sure about the validity for white coffee equating to a flat white. They’re a bit different.

Weirdly, given this is the internet and everyone gets on here, the board has caused a bit of a debate on Reddit, where it was initially posted.

Some people love it and resent “coffee snobs” gratuitous desire to sound as classy as possible when literally having a drink, but said snobs are hitting back, saying that this sign does nothing but exhibit the café’s ineptitude for making a cup of Joseph.

The comments included:

Mate I’d be fuming if I asked for a flat white and they gave me a white Americano.”

and

I don’t want my coffee made by people who don’t understand coffee.”

I know I’m being a hypocrite because I’m like this with various alcohols, but god I dislike coffee people.

Just as a little aside; my dad bought an eye-wateringly expensive coffee machine once – one that makes all sorts of coffee and some you’ve never heard of – and every morning he uses it to make a black coffee. Seems like a waste.

I could be wrong here – I sometimes am – but I sort of suspect that this was done as a joke and if you ask for a cappuccino in this café they won’t actually laugh you out of the building.

I’m drinking a flat white at the moment though and I’m glad it’s not a white coffee.

Images via Reddit, Getty

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