Festival Wear Is Getting Out Of Hand And These 10 Ridiculous Outfits Prove Why

Sophie WatsonSophie Watson in Funny, News
Published 18.07.19
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Since Area 51 has been in the media recently, it seems fast fashion companies have found inspiration from all things extra-terrestrial. Huge, space helmet looking sunglasses being one of them.

I mean, I’m no Gok Wan but these items are shockingly bad. Horrendous in fact. Not even aliens would approve.

When I say I’m not easily surprised these days, you could tell me you had just time travelled back to the year 1503 in a pair of UGG boots and I’d probably just shrug and carry on with my day.

Having said that, denim knickers, crop tops for men, space sunglasses and see through clothes – definitely caught my attention. Who the hell would wear these things?

1. The Deadly Denim Thong – Surely That Can’t Be Comfortable?

The first thought that came into my head when I saw this image was what my Nan would say if I went to leave the house in a pair. I’d hope that she’d wave a pack of Jammy Dodgers in my face and whatever other high calorie, delicious snacks she would have piled up in her cupboard, in a plea for me to stay indoors. Something tells me that tactic would work. Thanks Nan, and yes you can burn them.

2. The High Leg (They Weren’t Joking) Bodysuit 

Now, I’m not sure whether to laugh or be angry at the invention of this Fashion Nova bodysuit. Not only does it falsely advertise the appearance of women’s bodies to excitable festival goers (apparently women don’t have vaginas anymore) but the extremely high cut of it is just damn right awful – definitely not a realistic item to put on an un-photoshopped version of a woman’s body.

It’s also the first time I’ve heard NASA are collaborating with Baywatch?

Yeah, somehow, I’m just not feeling it.

3. The Extreme Crop Top (If You Can Call It A Top) For Men

Introducing ASOS’ festival essential, male crop top. Admittedly, this has left me rather lost for words (I know, I can’t believe it either). A part of me wants to reserve all judgment and live a happy, peaceful life, but do you absolutely need this in your wardrobe? Surely you’d save your money and go topless? Just a suggestion.

4. The A Bit Too-Sci-Fi-For-Ibiza Space Glasses

Listen PrettyLittle Thing, if I was going on holiday to the moon, I don’t think I’d be needing sunglasses any time soon. But I appreciate the ‘just in case’, I imagine the stars are quite bright.

5. The Sea Through Blue Shorts For Men (Get It? They’re Blue)

Another gem from ASOS. The re occurring theme here is pointless. Nice colour though.

6. I Think These Are Meant To Be Fairy Wings Of Some Sort

If you’re at a festival, who would have the time or strength to be holding up wings the entire time? I get it, they’d look cool for a picture, but you do realise you’d be dragging these through mud and human liquids for the rest of the night, right? And to me, that doesn’t scream fairy tale (okay it does, in a literal sense).

7. My Mum Made My Shirt – (Even He Looks Disappointed)

My first thought is poor guy. This top looks like it was made from a spare pair of foil curtains. This gives a bad name to other vest tops out there (I’m assuming that’s what it’s meant to be).

8. The ‘Act Like You’d Actually Wear This Outfit’ Pose

Okay PrettyLittle Thing, you’re selling cling film outfits which people are actually buying. That is quite impressive.

9. The ‘I’d Rather Be On A Building Site Than At A Festival’ Harness

If any of your friends turn up to a festival wearing this, you can only assume they really love their job.

10. The ‘I Couldn’t Decide’ Meggings (Man Leggings)

These Meggings are probably the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. I mean, I appreciate the fact they’re perfect if gold and silver are your two favourite colours (and if they are, maybe this is something you’re now considering buying, so don’t let me put you off) but for me, it’s a big no. They remind me of chocolate wrappers from a tin of Quality Street.