You just see people sitting there, eyes watering and mouths burning, pretending they’re loving the vindaloo in front of them, but it’s all just a dick-shaking contest; every “lad” around a table at a curry house is just trying to impress the others with spicy food.
No time for it.
With that, Morrison’s have tried to wind me up as best they can by releasing a pizza that catches you by surprise with its spice, as there are ghost chillies hidden in random slices.
(Interestingly, my computer has just decided that “by” isn’t a word, giving it the ol’ spiky red underline every time I write it.)
The 10-inch Trick or Treat pizza has been released in time for Halloween, with ghost chillies that measure over 1 million units on the Scoville heat scale; a hugely inflated measuring system that probably has water rated at 340,936 or something.
Also hidden in the pizza are the likes of bonnet chillies, jalapeño pepperoni, spicy chicken and cheese, so it really is luck of the draw.
Shezad Mahmood, pizza buyer at Morrisons said:
“The aim is to give customers the ultimate trick or treat. The question is will our customers be prepared to roll the dice and face heaven or hell in a slice?“
No. I’m going to Sainsbury’s.
The 10-inch pizza will set you back a very reasonable £3 for one, of £5 for two, and for you keen mathematicians out there, that means £153 for 31.
You’ll be able to get yours from the 21st of October (yesterday) until the 10th of November (not yesterday), so I suppose don’t leave it too long if this sounds like your kind of thing.
This comes after Iceland recently upped the ante, releasing the UK’s spiciest chicken wings that can be bought in a supermarket.
And apparently you have to wear gloves to eat the damn things. Which is just a massive ballache if you ask me.
Putting these wings to the test, the presenters of the ‘Clifton Chilli Club’ channel on YouTube have described them as ‘instantly hot’, saying ‘they get you straight away’.
The channel’s description reads: “From product reviews to cooking with chilli, international adventures to growing tips, chilli eating contests to extreme challenges – this is your one stop shop for all things CHILLI!”
Coming in at over 720,000 on the Scoville scale, these chicken wings cost £3 for a pack and yeah, they look pretty spicy. I say that because there’s not a man or woman on this planet who can even claim to understand the Scoville scale. It just seems like something that suffers from more inflation than 1920s Germany.
Still, rather you than me.
Images via Morrison’s
Alfie Powell joined as an apprentice and was probably hired because he was likely the only person who applied. He's been blagging his way through writing articles for four years now and he's definitely showing signs of slowing down. When not writing for The Hook, Alfie finds time to indulge in his favourite hobbies, such as drinking and sitting down. You can contact Alfie at firstname.lastname@example.orgFollow