Girl on the Third Floor is a horror film that you can find on Netflix, and as viewers are revealing, it’s one of the most disturbing films they’ve seen.

I don’t want to spoil anything, of course, but apparently the house cums (comes?) a lot. Like lots of semen is involved; amounts that can only be rivalled by what you could scrape off the mirrors in Jared Leto’s house.


I’ll be honest, I’m no fan of horror films or semen, but I must say that I’m at least a bit intrigued by Girl on the Third Floor, written and directed by newcomer Travis Stevens.

Set within a crazy house, the film follows Don Koch, played by ex-wrestler and MMA fighter CM Punk, (Phillip Brooks), as he tries to renovate an old Victorian house that he just bought.

The house isn’t at all happy about being bashed about though, and begins to fight back, with it turning out to be haunted and in possession of a pretty raucous history.

Even weirder, the film was written by Travis Stevens about the very house that features in the film, as it’s allegedly haunted in real life.


Making changes to his home, Don has to contend with unwanted visitors, rotting walls, bursting pipes and perhaps most insane, semen leaking from said pipes every time he tries to make a change.

girl on the third floor

Why does the house cum? Apparently it used to be a brothel, so it’s probably got a surplus of the liquid.

Needless to say it got a lot of press on Twitter…


Look, I’ve probably focused too much on the cum. There is an official plot synopsis that doesn’t even mention that element of the film. Quite boringly, it goes like this:

Don Koch tries to renovate a rundown mansion with a sordid history for his growing family, only to learn that the house has other plans.”


Say the house cums, you coward.

Make this the IMDb description, please, anyone who has an account…

girl on the third floor

Images via IMDb, Queensbury Pictures