Sorry, I’m struggling with how to start this story. I just can’t stop staring at it.
When he drank reindeer blood, we shrugged it off. When he took the guts out of a camel and then climbed inside, we excused it. When he drank his own urine out of a snake, we glossed over it. But now that Bear Grylls has gone on national television sporting the most horrendous of moustache styles – the handlebar moustache – we’ve lost it.
The television presenter, adventurer and occasional p*ss drinker appeared on ITV’s Good Morning Britain this morning (Friday 22nd November) to discuss his latest work with Tusk, an African wildlife conservation charity. So… is he trying to give himself tusks? It’s a PR stunt; it’s got to be.
Unfortunately, as soon as Grylls began speaking about this recent charity work with Tusk on Good Morning Britain, unfortunately, the internet became solely fixated on the adventurer’s unique ‘tache – and why; why was a big question, too. I mean, it is just about the worst thing a man could choose to do with his facial hair. I’m all for a beard and well cared-for moustache – but the handlebar moustache is one of those looks everybody should’ve left in ’70s – on some sticky porn set floor.
Within minutes, social media users were comparing Grylls’ facial hair to that of a “’70s pornstar”. And you just can’t blame them, can you?
One Twitter user wrote:
“So Bear Grylls has got a 70s pornstar moustache to go with his 70s pornstar name #GoodMorningBritain”.
“Bear Grylls, moustache you a question. #GMB”. That one tickled me – I’m sure Bear knows that feeling.
You get the idea.
THANKFULLY, Grylls is fully aware of his less-than-desirable Ron Jeremy-esque exterior and assured us all that it is not a permanent fixture. He joked:
“I always found myself apologising before I’ve even said a word!”
It turns out, Grylls grew a beard during a recent stint in the jungle, but hat to trim it ahead of a Marines dinner he was scheduled to attend. Grylls apparently didn’t feel comfortable rocking up with a huge beard, so shaved it down to a handlebar moustache (yeah, ’cause that’s much better) – despite his wife’s disapproval.
“This is a new thing and as my family say, ‘a temporary thing'”.
Okay, maybe we’ll let you off, you silly ol’ Bear.
Images via Good Morning Britain (ITV) and Getty
Having worked in children's media and publishing for almost a decade, Ben is thoroughly excited to now be able to swear in stories and features. He is such a big fan of Disney and Horror films that he started an LGBTQ+ podcast called 'Once Upon A Scream'. His mum listens. You can contact Ben at [email protected] Twitter: @PulsfordBen / Instagram: @thebenmidlerFollow