The most hotly contested debate of our time has come to a close. The public has spoken. Christmas justice has been served in the shape of a roast potato. You could (but shouldn’t) argue that the results are more polarising than the election results, with the public taking to Twitter to defend their own long-standing favourites of the Christmas lunch, from pigs in blankets to sprouts.
In a surprising turn of events, the humble potato came out on top, with an unprecedented 58% of people favouring the vegetable (is it a vegetable?) over other Christmas accoutrements.
Even more shockingly, the silver medal went to the turkey, proving the favourite of 43% of voters. This riles me up. I can make allowances for the potato, but why would anyone choose a cut of dry, kind-of-a-weird-grey-colour meat over the jewels of a Christmas dinner? Why am I the only one brave enough to speak the truth?
The most outrage has been caused by pigs in blankets coming in a close third-place to the turkey. If second place had gone to, say, kale, I imagine the backlash would have been directed against an increasing vegetarian and vegan population. But to add insult to injury, the festive favourite has only been outdone by an arguably inferior meat product.
Even as a vegetarian I’d find it hard to come to terms with something wrapped in bacon losing out to a meaty white slab.
Stuffing gets a medal for participation, coming in at a 23% majority, and I’ll take that injustice to my grave. The controversial sprout garnered a meagre 17%, but it’s no wonder after a lorry in Fife yeeted its entire sprout contents into the road. Maybe it was in protest. Have the poor tiny cabbages not suffered enough?
The unfortunate loser was cauliflower cheese, at 8%. I can rest easy knowing that the British public have at least got something right. The top 10 best parts of the Christmas dinner were polled as follows:
1. Roast potatoes (58%)
2. Roast turkey (43%)
3. Pigs in blankets (43%)
4. Stuffing (23%)
5. Gravy (21%)
6. Yorkshire pudding (20%)
7. Sprouts (17%)
8. Parsnips (14%)
9. Christmas pudding (11%)
10. Cauliflower cheese (8%)
We have McCain to thank for pitting these Christmas classics against each other and almost ruining the Christmas season.
I’m not suggesting a potato-win was rigged by a potato company, but it doesn’t sit well with me. Not well at all. Merry Christmas!
Images via Getty, Tesco
Emily Capon has defied experts by making it to her second year of an English degree despite barely being able to string a sentence together. She majorly vibes with those pictures of birds with human arms and the dog with human eyebrows. Chaotic good.