Sex With Someone From Another Household Is Illegal From Today

Alfie PowellAlfie Powell in News, UK
Published 01.06.20

Sex with someone from another household in your own house will be illegal from today as the efforts to abate global health crisis continue.

You know how when a band get big, you have a few tools going around saying they liked them before they were cool? That’s me right now. I abided by this law before it was put into effect. Me and Captain Tom Moore are fighting coronavirus on the front line.

Yes that’s right; sex has been outlawed between people who live in different places but to be fair to the rule, so have most things.

The rule actually states: ‘No person may participate in a gathering which takes place in a public or private place indoors, and consists of two or more persons,’ so while that does include sex, it also includes going to your mate’s house to play Fifa.

Until today, the person who goes inside another person’s home would have been the one breaching the rules. However, now both people could be prosecuted under the new amendment to the The Health Protection Regulations 2020 bill.

There are loopholes to this new law, but they’re mainly exclusive to elite athletes, vulnerable people and key workers and beyond them, if you have a genuinely good excuse, then you’ll probably get away with it. Sadly, sex does not count as a good excuse and that’s mainly just caregiving etc etc…

Sex is banned

It’s unclear what the punishment for anyone enjoying a shag is, but it would probably be a fine or being made to finish your sex outside in a public place. Sort of like if your teacher catches you talking to your mate in class and makes you tell everyone what you were saying out loud, you know?

Oh thought you’d have sex with your girlfriend, did you? Well by all means please do… in that gazebo thing in Victoria Park so everyone can see!!!

I mean it’s bad news for people in relationships but separate homes, isn’t it? What are they to do?

Here’s a dated reference: remember that YouTuber who kissed his sister for a prank?


Now here’s the joke: Do you reckon he’ll just shag his sister because they live with each other???

You can’t see but I’m patting myself on the back for that one.

Actually you know what? I’ll make it so you can see.

Goodnight everybody.

Images via YouTube, Alfie, UK Government