Look, I’m all for doing my part to stop the spread of this b*stard illness, but after a YEAR of this, I will resemble Jack Nicholson in the last 30 minutes of The Shining. I’m three days in to this and I already feel like leaving menacing messages on the bathroom mirror.
Yes, according to recent reports, social distancing restrictions must be put in place for “at least most of a year” to help dramatically control the spread of COVID-19, the illness caused by coronavirus, according to experts advising the government right now.
It’s worth noting right now that this suggested measure has not been made official, only suggested by scientists advising ministers. Fake news is a f*cking problem right now, so let’s just lay that out on the line right now.
But, undeniably, even minor discussions of such action is mildly concerning. Like, I’m genuinely concerned about what happens when I’ve watched everything on Netflix, Amazon Prime and Now TV. I imagine my Jack Torrance transformation will begin there and then.
Evidence direct from the Scientific Advisory Group for Emergencies (SAGE), has been published by the government. Worryingly, the news comes just days after Boris told us all on national television that the country could “turn the tide” against COVID-19 in just 12 weeks time.
But, hey, don’t worry – my anxiety can take a real thrashing these days.
SAGE has basically said that “stricter” social distancing will need to be enforced for at least half of a year, if we expect to end this pandemic.
The report from STAGE states:
“It was agreed that the addition of both general social distancing and school closures to case isolation, household isolation and social distancing of vulnerable groups would be likely to control the epidemic when kept in place for a long period.
“It was agreed that a policy of alternating between periods of more and less strict social distancing measures could plausibly be effective at keeping the number of critical care cases within capacity.
“These would need to be in place for at least most of a year.
“Under such as policy, at least half of the year would be spent under the stricter social distancing measures.”
And there’s more fun for us Londoners, I’m afraid, because according to the report, even more stringent measures could be enforced in the capital, where COVID-19 is at its rifest in the UK.
Remember when we endlessly b*tched about 2019?
I think we all owe last year an apology.
Images via Giphy and Getty
Having worked in children's media and publishing for almost a decade, Ben is thoroughly excited to now be able to swear in stories and features. He is such a big fan of Disney and Horror films that he started an LGBTQ+ podcast called 'Once Upon A Scream'. His mum listens. You can contact Ben at [email protected] Twitter: @PulsfordBen / Instagram: @thebenmidlerFollow