That’s why I implement the blindfold technique. “What’s the blindfold technique, Alfie?” Well, it’s when you make your girlfriend wear a blindfold on a night out and if she refuses, you call her frigid and post her nudes online.
Relationships are give and take like that. You know, sometimes I’ll drive her to the train station or get her a coffee or something.
Zoe Scholefield didn’t know how lucky she was with this guy, really.
Right that’s it, enough of all of this misjudged irony; you’re here for a reason and that’s Zoe’s quite awful ex.
Before a night out, he sent her a list of 12 rules to abide by – essentially don’t cheat on me stuff – and they were pretty outrageous. Not so much ‘don’t humour fellas in the club,’ but more ‘don’t you even think about enjoying yourself!!!’.
But then he cheated on her! The nerve of it. What a tw*t!
Scholefield posted a screenshot of her ex’s demands to Twitter with the caption:
“Funny how my ex sent me stuff like this then has the audacity to cheat on me😍😍”
The rules read:
1) Don’t dance like a s**g like in Reflex.
2) Don’t get too drunk.
3) No boys and if anyone comes up to you and talks to you, you tell them you have a boyfriend.
4) Look after your drink at all time to make sure no one puts owt in it.
5) Stick with [friend] or [friend] all time not [different friend] by looks of last night though mostly [aforementioned friend]
6) No one but you 4 in your room besides [friend] but he can’t sleep
7) You can’t go in anyone else’s room
8) You let me know everything that happens and be ready to explain stories.
9) Always send me photos of front and back of what you are wearing so I can approve and say whether or not I think you should wear it.
10) Even when I’m asleep text me to tell me things so I can see in the morning.
11) If you find the time call me or ft [FaceTime] me, but let me know in advance.
12) If you can, [I] want a video of room before you sleep to prove no one else is there and you are off to sleep.
No obviously – barring rule four which is genuinely good advice for everyone – this list is genuinely insane and Zoe’s done well to get shot of him.
The replies obviously echoed this and yeah, good on Zoe.
Bad on this loser though, whatever his name is. I’ve got Darren in my head for some reason and now I’m livid with this Darren character.
You’re better than Darren, Zoe.
Images via Twitter
Alfie Powell joined as an apprentice and was probably hired because he was likely the only person who applied. He's been blagging his way through writing articles for four years now and he's definitely showing signs of slowing down. When not writing for The Hook, Alfie finds time to indulge in his favourite hobbies, such as drinking and sitting down.Follow