So what can you do? That’s right, you can combine the Reduce, Reuse, Recycle mantra we all learned in 2005 with trendy millennial alcoholism to create your own wine bottle Christmas tree.
Even though, perhaps in my ignorance, I struggle to see how a farmed pine tree in the house is bad for the environment, I suppose if you’re using it every year, an artificial tree has less of a negative impact on the environment. Despite that, unless you’re truly breaking the bank, there’s seldom an artificial tree that could pass off as a genuine pine or spruce.
Some people will go all out in their spending, of course, but for those of us who can’t, it seems like we either piss off people who have Extinction Rebellion in their Instagram bios, or deal with an oversized pipe-cleaner in the living room.
Like I say though, wine bottle Christmas trees. If you’re going fake, you may as well go the whole hog.
According to House Beautiful, all you’ll need are plenty of empty wine bottles, tiered bottle drying racks and fairy lights…
“Now that you’ve got your supplies, it’s time to get building. Place your wine rack where you want your tree to go and wrap the frame in string lights.
“It’s just like decorating a regular tree, except pine needles aren’t sticking you in the face every time you wrap your lights around.
“Now that things are seriously lit, start stacking your empty bottles, working from the ground up.
“Once you’ve got your bottles stacked, add one at the top to look like a tree topper. Plug in your lights and pour yourself a cup of cheer.“
That’s a lot of bottles you’ll be needing.
How long before deciding you want to make one of these do you need to start stockpiling old bottles of wine? Or do you decide you want to do that and then go on a week-long binge?
Whatever you do, just make sure you don’t resort to pouring wine down the sink to make sure you can make your tree. That would be awful.
Also, don’t be one of those boring people who’s all “I know what I like” and only drink one type of wine. That tree would look intensely boring.
If I went to a friend’s house for Christmas and they had a tree made of Blossom Hill, I would leave immediately and probably block them on Facebook.
Alfie Powell joined as an apprentice and was probably hired because he was likely the only person who applied. He's been blagging his way through writing articles for four years now and he's definitely showing signs of slowing down. When not writing for The Hook, Alfie finds time to indulge in his favourite hobbies, such as drinking and sitting down. You can contact Alfie at [email protected]Follow