I personally remember being on a school-camping trip, way back in the noughties, and buying some cheap and glossy girl magazines to read with my gal-pals in the tent. I also remember opening onto an article about a woman who married the Great Wall of China.
Now, for the time, this was strange. This was laughably strange. There was no ask of us to take this sort of thing seriously, and we certainly did not. But our sweet, naïve, noughties selves didn’t know what was to come in the following decade.
Only the latest in a long line of betrothed to be interviewed by a dazed and confused Eamonn and Ruth on This Morning, Amanda Large Teague, who has married a three-hundred-year-old pirate, has many a predecessor.
This team of brave souls doing what they need to do for love (and getting on TV for it) include, one woman married to her duvet, one woman married to herself, one woman who has a keen sex life with objects in her house, and another lady who is also going to marry a ghost, but not one that passed three hundred years ago on the high seas.
All was well. Teague felt his pirate presence at many a seance, they married out in the waves, on a ship, not long after, and lived together, conducting an “intimate” relationship, according to Teague. All he needed was the odd “yo ho ho” and a bottle of rum, and he’d be a ship-shape partner for their years together.
Teague, who says she had no interest or belief in the occult or an afterlife before her son passed away, claims perfect mental clarity and stability. However, she seems unable to draw a connection between her loss and her desperate attempts to validate an afterlife soon after.
She told the presenters:
This went on for almost two years. My health just kept getting worse and worse and worse, to the point where I ended up with sepsis last year, in June, and I almost died. I had to have an emergency surgery.
Jack was basically an energy vampire. When we die it’s normal to stay in the Earth-bound realm for a period but when spirits stay around too long, they need an energy source. And unfortunately Jack was using me as an energy source.
He had never accepted his own death, so he wanted to continue living through my body.
And while explaining how she has suffered from long term health problems, Eamonn made sure to clear up what these were.
He asked the guest: ‘Looking back on your wedding pictures now, do you feel a bit silly no? Or are you happy, proud?’
Without hesitation, the former medium said: ‘I have long existing health problems that are not going to way, although since my exorcism my health has dramatically improved.’
Eamonn decided to pause her there for a second, while he quizzed: ‘And they’re not mental health problems?’
To which Amanda replied: ‘No, I do not have mental health problems.’
I would like to say that this story has a happy ending. That this bereaved woman married an atypical partner but now feels fulfilled and in company.
But, unfortunately, this was the break up to end all break ups. I’ve had some pretty bad break-ups in the past, I admit, but not once have I ever had to have an exorcism to remove a partner that had been, for years, slowly feeding off my energy and health like an “energy vampire”, in an attempt to kill me. Phew. Teague contracted Sepsis in the later years of their marriage, and concluded after her recovery that it was Jack, her ghost-partner’s, fault. He was a bad spirit, after all.
Now that the break up has been dealt with, and Jack exercised from Teague’s home and body, she claims to feel much healthier. Proof of the demon or a placebo affect? I’ll leave that one down to you.
Teague told Molly and Phillip on This Morning that her believe in spirits is much like most of the world’s belief in a God. A statement I am sure rightfully offended quite a few watchers.
Except most of those people don’t get to sleep with God, Amanda. You lucky girl.
Images via ITV
Katie recently graduated from Warwick University and is now a journalist and scriptwriter, much to her family's delight. Her last play was on at Norwich's Maddermarket Theatre. You missed a great one. While you were reading this, Katie drank three coffees.You can contact Katie at [email protected]Follow