Not a fan, to be honest. Too sweet and I don’t know where mixologists are getting off calling them martinis. Barring, like, a glass of milk, Pornstar martinis and actual martinis are on the polar opposites of the drinks spectrum.
Each to their own and all that, though. I’ll start the article now.
B&M are selling cans of the stuff now, and they’re bloody cheap. Cheaper than a two-bed flat in Chelsea? Yes. Cheaper than a similar drink from Marks and Spencer? Also yes. Cheaper than a single first class stamp? No. It’s give and take, really.
Called the ‘Classic Combinations Passionfruit Martini’ – maybe for the reason I mentioned earlier – the vanilla and passionfruit cocktail will set you back a cool 89 pence which as you know, is the same price as 89 things that cost one pence.
What else can I say about them? I’ll show you what they said in the product description…
“A classic cocktail that’s pre-mixed and ready to enjoy, wherever you are! Made with natural colours and flavours.”
Writes itself, this article.
I’m not sure why “natural colours and flavours” is such a good thing. Cholera’s natural, aspirin isn’t. I know what I’d rather have. I’ve got a big ol’ hangover. See if you can guess.
A similar drink from Marks and Spencer will set you back £2, while the Tesco alternative comes in at £1.50, so I think you know where the best shop is to stock up before you get drunk in a park or something.
With that said, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a B&M. I’ve seen their lorries on the motorway and always wondered what they did – and now I know – but I’ve never seen one of their destinations. It’s a funny old world.
If you’re interested, they also do Pink Gin and Tonic and Rhubarb Gin and Ginger Ale tinnies. That’s only if you’re interested though. If you’re not, I don’t know, go away.
I think that’s the article done now.
Images via B&M, Getty
Alfie Powell joined as an apprentice and was probably hired because he was likely the only person who applied. He's been blagging his way through writing articles for four years now and he's definitely showing signs of slowing down. When not writing for The Hook, Alfie finds time to indulge in his favourite hobbies, such as drinking and sitting down.Follow