When I say that, I don’t mean I like my food cold, I just mean I can’t be doing with spice. I’m a spicy boy, but not a spice boy, if you know what I mean.
If I go for a curry with my friends I make sure to fill up on naan, poppadoms and rice. All the carbs. It’s smart. Need to line my stomach for those horrible pints of Kingfisher or the slightly less horrible pints of Cobra.
Along with spicy food, I also have a distaste for spiders. Luckily, never the twain shall meet, and my two big no-nos have never come into play at the same time.
That was until now…
Some idiots – Venomtech – have been working in tandem with Steve’s Scientific Sauce (say what you see, Steve. Jesus…) to create a sauce so hot that it mimics a spider’s bite.
Why? I don’t know. Are spider bites spicy? Sounds like it.
Scientific Steve’s Venom Chilli Sauce mimics the effects of the nefarious Trinidad Chevron tarantula’s bite, which results in joyful ‘muscle spasms and burning pain’ usually. Cool. Good.
The sauce is made using a synthetic spider venom, meaning that no spiders were actually juiced in the process. Who knew that was on option?!
Managing Director Steve Trim said:
“It’s as best as we can manage without actually tasting the venom. It’s a similar heat component that the venom would cause.“
But why, Steve? No answer.
If you’re one of those people who orders super-hot Nandos just to impress the people around (no one enjoys Nandos at the best of times, let alone coated in that sauce), then maybe I can interest you in a bottle of this for £6.50. Get it here.
Outrageous behaviour, if you do.
Images via Scientific Steve’s Venom Chilli Sauce, Fox, Getty