Yeah that’s right. Crocs now have little bags on them if you want to carry, what, exactly two Maltesers around with you.
I think the technical term for these bags is a “fanny pack”. That’s the Americanism, anyway, since out there, “fanny” means arse, and “fanny bag” sounds awful.
Bum bags here, as you know, but neither name is relevant since they’re attached to your feet. Unless you plan sitting on your Crocs.
Teaming up with the Japanese company Beams, Crocs have answered all of the world’s questions by gluing bags the size of a big rat’s bladder to the back of your hideous sandals.
The funniest thing about these “shoes” though, is that they cost £40. If you book a long time in advance, you could probably get a flight to Dignitas for that price.
If shoe-bags don’t float your boat though, you can get a pair decked out with those hat-things that middle-aged women from Florida wear when they’re sitting at slot machines.
Not a clue why, but if you hate your feet and want everyone to know it, then these are the shoes for you.
Same price for these. In the rear case where you need a flight back from Dignitas, that cash could come in handy.
Last and certainly least, is the pair of Crocs that come with those suede tassel-things that you’d see Billy Rae Cyrus’ jacket sleeves… and some beads.
Horrible horrible and for the fairly unreasonable price of £50.
For that money, I will personally come to your house and spit on your feet.
Think over it and let me know.
Images via Crocs
Alfie Powell joined as an apprentice and was probably hired because he was likely the only person who applied. He's been blagging his way through writing articles for four years now and he's definitely showing signs of slowing down. When not writing for The Hook, Alfie finds time to indulge in his favourite hobbies, such as drinking and sitting down.Follow